Liberal Forum

CONTINUED FROM ABOVE:

Look, you are creepy old white people in unappealing suits, and you are not attracting the audience you think you are with your Trumpian tantrums. I despise your ideology of hatred, but I’m also embarrassed for you.

Now, despite the all-you-can-dog-whistle buffet presented by a Black woman’s confirmation hearing in the middle of a manufactured panic over “critical race theory,” Republican Senators still can’t get away with being quiiiiiiiiite as openly racist as they might like, but never fear, ****, wingnut pundits like Charlie “Didn’t Dick Tracy Fight This Guy” Kirk are NOT shy about picking up the slack.

...you keep hearing about how these acts of raw hatred are actually huge political winners for [people like] DeSantis. And like, yeah, I get it; the Republican base is primarily motivated by and interested in hurting people, and making them afraid; it’s called ascendant fascism, yo.

“Gee, Cap, aren’t you being a touch unfair? A little harsh?” Hmmmm…say that after you check out the latest bit of **** from Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, his barely restrained glee at deploying his shiny new powers to stamp out one individual school district’s Pride Week.

Like…what a senselessly hateful thing to even want to do. ...[their] voters are looking for **** people willing to do **** things.

So expect Eric Greitens to gain ground in the polls, now that he faces a fresh round of allegations straight out of a rejected Law & Order: Special Victims Unit script. It’s ... harder to make your way in a GOP primary without an abomination or two on your resume.

Hey House Republicans, I know that enabling wealthy criminals is sort of your thing, but now that Nebraska Congressthug Jeff Fortenberry has been convicted on three federal felony counts, could we maybe strip him of his lawmaking authority sometime soon?
 
 
CONTINUED BELOW

CONTINUED FROM ABOVE:

Oh, and SPEAKING OF, turns out Mark Meadows’ insurrectionist bride joined him in his clumsy commission of that rarest of crimes: voter fraud! America, I ask you…where are the Meadows’ matching LOCK HIM/HER UP chants? Because I’ve been told, for **** YEARS now, by pious politicians and rage-blind internet commenters alike, that voter fraud must be punished, responsible as it is for the theft of everything that’s pure and good and right about this country...

Oh, I suppose we shouldn’t move on from Meadows without mentioning his treasonously **** text exchanges with Ginni Thomas during the period of the Attempted Assclown Autogolpe.  

I mean, not a huge deal or anything, just the CHIEF OF STAFF TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES and the wife of a Supreme Court Justice tossing Sydney Powell’s Q-sodden ravings around to justify their criminal conspiracy to steal the federal government from the American people, in the name of their malformed, mediocre, white nationalist god.

Normal, healthy **** from a smoothly-functioning modern democracy." 
 

BREAKING: Right Wing Hatred, Idiocy Ruin Everything (YES, AGAIN) - Shower Cap Blog

excerpts part one:

 If anybody [in the office pool] had this week as the one when the world’s many asshats would finally stop **** more or less everything up, and let the rest of us just LIVE OUR **** LIVES IN PEACE, you lost your **** money, didn’tcha? ...with the casualties they’re taking, Russia seems to be demilitarizing the wrong country. Personally, I think if you can’t get through one measly month of your war of aggression without begging your Syrian buddies to replenish your supply of bullet sponges, you probably never had much of a shot at restoring the full glory of the Soviet Empire, bucko.

.... but maybe, just maybe, Bret Stephens  [of the N.Y. Times] is right, and this monthlong **** parade actually masked the master plan of a KGB super genius playing eleventy-fifth-dimensional chess, and the West is playing directly into his hands by providing the arms that’re destroying his military machine in front of the watching world, and taint-punting his cut-rate economy into the **** sun.

“Yeah, WHAT IF THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED ALL ALONG?”

Or, what if Bret’s pompous fanfic is the most perfect example to date of the neuron-rotting condition doctors are calling Contrarian Pundit Brain? I’m starting to suspect NYT finds their conservative columnists by wandering into wingnut think tanks and offering the gig to whoever can fit the most nickels up their nose."  

excerpts part two:

I see Kid Kompromat simply cannot stop himself from begging the Butcher of Mariupol for help with his petty, personal, political fixations. Y’know what? Dig up your own goddamn dirt for once, you lazy ****. You should try doing work, just one time, if only for the novelty.

New studies confirm that, in defiance of the fanatical certainty of the "Science Ain’t the Boss of Me" crowd, medicine designed to de-worm livestock is precisely as effective against the coronavirus as anyone whose brain hadn’t been devoured by maggots would imagine it to be, which is to say, not **** at all. Obviously. OBVIOUSLY.

We had a whole-*** national debate about that ****. About ivermectin. People died. Thousands and **** thousands of ‘em. Because the terrorists win if we (checks notes) listen to doctors during a global health emergency, you see. That’s “populism.” Anti-elitism taken to its mad, suicidal extreme.

YOU CAN HAVE MY COMPLETELY USELESS HORSE MEDICINE WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS!!!!!

Ok. Those terms are acceptable.

I tell you what, folks, it is a goddamn regressive feeding frenzy in the red states right now, and with so much blood in the water already, with the attacks on voting rights and reproductive rights, and the **** CRT panic, I suppose it was inevitable they’d turn their teeth towards the LGBTQ community sooner or later, but even within the confines of this unwieldy, way-too-long shark metaphor, I’m astonished at the viciousness.

It’s the stuff that hate crimes are made of. And they know this.

But they keep on feeding this goddamn Q monster, because, well, given recent history, I’ll allow it’s easier than defending their record.

Still, whatever its effectiveness as a get-out-the-vote technique of last resort, this policy of mass radicalization keeps causing violence, DUH,

and I guess my personal belief is that the American ideal inherently implies an inalienable right to freedom from the homicidal outbursts of emotionally stunted, easily dupable white men.

Call me old-fashioned.
 

In a World This Mercilessly Stupid, How Could Sarah Palin NOT Come Back?

excerpts part ONE:

A week without malignantly insane, world-wrecking assholes…that’s all I want. One little week. Wouldn’t that be nice? To just once click over to Ye Olde Shower Cappe Blog, braced for the expected litany of horrors, only to encounter a brief, “Well whaddya know, the **** actually left us alone for a few days, I finally got around to that last season of Deadwood!” A boy can dream, can’t he?

The Russian military has certainly had a tough time of it in Ukraine, (the murdering dolts can’t even retreat competently) but after week upon week of catastrophic blundering, they’ve finally stumbled onto one thing they’re actually halfway decent at: slaughtering civilians.

Future war-mongering autocrats take note: it’s prudent to save the really major war crimes for securely held territory, because when you’re forced to flee the field in defeat, residual evidence of your inhuman savagery can really turbocharge the world’s will to thwart your bloody ambitions.

Anyhoo, surely the glorious restoration of the Soviet Empire is just one more bombed-out maternity hospital away.

Here at home, Republicans continue their extremely Putinesque assault on LGBTQ rights. Frankly, the institutional GOP is kicking itself for not embracing QAnon sooner; turns out, you don’t need any platform whatsoever, you can even embrace lunatic policies that kill tens of thousands of your constituents, so long as you train a sufficiently large base of credulous dirtbags to reflexively believe that anyone who disagrees with them about anything is a child molester.

 

CONTINUED FROM ABOVE, PART TWO:

Because Disney’s content deviates from Laura Ingraham’s grisliest gay-bashing fantasies, they’re “grooming” children, you see. Now Lauren Boebert furiously demands Mickey Mouse’s cancellation, on the grounds that his name is just too darn hard to spell. (There should be a song to help with that, y’know?)

Oddly, in their fervor to incite a few theme park mass shootings, none of the shrieking heads of the right-wing rageosphere found time to condemn Tennessee Republicans’ proposed legalization of child marriage.

****, they neglected to even mention Ruben Verastigui, the latest in a long, long, long, long, LONG ****’ line of prominent conservatives to earn an actual, real-life conviction for sexually abusing children.

I’m actually quite sympathetic to MAGA nation’s plight; it must be challenging, maintaining fanaticism in a cult of personality, when the personality in question is such an inveterate loser as Donald John Trump.

Of course you have to concoct fake accomplishments to justify your blind fealty, otherwise you’d have to face the reality that you worship a serial **** who can’t even dress himself.

Anyway, he didn’t kill Bin Laden, Congresswoman McClain; you are now cordially invited to resign in shame.
 

MORE LAGNIAPPE... (YUM!):

From the mouths of babes: Trump rally parents quickly correct son after he says he's excited to see the PRESIDENT - Raw Story - Celebrating 18 Years of Independent Journalism

Last post for now before I... erm... fly.  This week's SHOWER CAP BLOG:

Vladimir Putin in the Multiverse of Consequences - Shower Cap Blog

EXCERPTS PART ONE:

Fifty **** days into the Special Military Operation that was supposed to take two, the Russian military has graduated from Retreating in Shambles to In Hindsight We Probably Shouldn’t Have Left That Black Sea Flagship Out Where Ukraine Could Sink It.

The mighty Kremlin disinformation factory’s best **** spin on this debacle was “NUH-UH! We suck so hard we blowed up our OWN boat!”

Meanwhile, the plan to fragment and weaken NATO is going so well, the debate on membership in Finland and Sweden has swung from “hard nah” to “would it be tacky to include baked goods with our application packet?”

which, when you think about it, is the entirely inevitable consequence of A) starting a war of aggression in Europe, and B) **** it up this badly.

The Russkies have threatened retaliation, of course. They’re doing quite a bit of threatening these days, which, like…you and literally what army, dawg? Incidentally, y’all are the ones who decided to wander into somebody else’s country and start murdering children, so you’re not allowed to get all fussy when folks fight back.

Tucker Carlson, multi-tasking fascist beaver that he is, won’t let his content-creating obligations to Putin’s propaganda machine interfere with his existing domestic radicalization/stochastic terrorism program.  It made distressingly few headlines this week, when the most watched man on cable openly, casually called upon his viewers to physically assault public school teachers.

I mean, it’s no Nancy Pelosi Has Loads of Ice Cream, but in a country with a real and growing right-wing violence problem, it feels newsworthy.

 
 

continued from above:

Vladimir Putin in the Multiverse of Consequences - Shower Cap Blog

EXCERPTS PART TWO:

Like their comrades in the Kremlin, America’s ultra-right extremists tend to be men of grandiose ambition, but negligible ability, which is my cutesy little way of bringing up Mark Meadows, who clearly lacks the intellectual bandwidth necessary for the life of high-stakes crime he’s chosen for himself.

Still, I suppose it was kind of him to leave such a damning digital trail, demonstrating precisely how horny the likes of Mike Lee and Chip Roy were back in 2020 to join any slightly-less-**** insurrection than the one Sydney Powell offered. Some might call these texts, “evidence of a criminal conspiracy,” because that’s what they are.

Oh, and Mark has finally been removed from the voter rolls in North Carolina, having been caught committing honey bunches of voter fraud there. Hopefully this will not be the Consequences Fairy’s last visit to the Meadows household.

Now that the gates of kakistocracy have swung wide enough to lure Sarah freaking Palin back, the idea of vetting these candidates at all seems quaint and faintly snobbish. I mean, of course the dude who manufactures the tear gas used against Black Lives Matter protesters showed up, OF COURSE HE DID.

You creeps are under no obligation to keep propping up the utterly valueless currency that is Donald Trump’s dank, clammy endorsement, by the way. Didn’t do **** for Mo Brooks. It’s not doing **** for insider-trading milksop David Perdue, though by all means, flush half a million bucks down that toilet, kids.

Texas Governor Greg Abbott is so **** thirsty for Fox News airtime that he took a tire iron to the nation’s already-battered supply chain, because the great thing about a culture war is that you wage it on yourself.

In a marginally sane world, you’d expect the electorate to turn on an incumbent who abused his power to directly, intentionally harm his constituents, and indeed the whole dang economy, for the sake of a pathetic stunt that didn’t even **** land, but as the pandemic so distressingly demonstrated, Republican voters genuinely want a Daddy who spanks.
 

Poor isabel

Poor PUTIN TROLL.

This week's SHOWER CAP BLOG:

Tucker Carlson: New-Age Testicle Guru, and, Amazingly, Other Equally Stupid **** - Shower Cap Blog

excerpts part ONE:

Most mephistophelian felicitations go out to Mr. J.D. Vance, who won the death cult equivalent of the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes: the endorsement of a man he once called “America’s Hitler.” Man, that was a whole damn show, wasn’t it? Like watching hogs fight over a turd. But that’s what Republican politics IS now: morons gyrating depravedly, desperate to gain one racist game show host’s approval.

And now Republicans’re worried, because the Deposed Dotard is proving to be no better at making endorsements than he is at running casinos or managing pandemics or closing umbrellas. And **** OF COURSE he’s more interested in petty retribution (and equally petty grifting) than in helping the team win elections…does no one listen when he tells the snake story?!?

**** yes, I hope your lil’ kakistocrat kingmaker costs you loads of winnable races this fall, although maybe you kids could find a moment to reflect upon just how you wound up with an electorate that’s so horny to back serial abusers like Eric Greitens, Herschel Walker, and Charles “Gropey” Herbster, because that **** didn’t happen overnight.

That’s why this crap with McConnell and McCarthy is so **** infuriating; they know exactly what they’re enabling, they understand how wrong and dangerous it is; they’re just too spineless and power-mad to oppose it.

Mitch, Kev, speaking on behalf of every patriotic American, I’m real damn tired of paying for your cowardice.

Soon enough, the textbooks will surely insist Florida has always been at war with the Walt Disney Company. And war means sacrifices; Ron-Ron and his minions, in their zeal to crush dissent, casually shifted a massive tax burden onto their own constituents with their legislative conniption, because living under Republican governance means not just accepting institutional bigotry, but financing it. 

 
 

excerpts part TWO:

Actually, y’know what? Go ahead and get me started on horse dewormer, since a new study shows as many at 234,000 Americans needlessly died of Covid, because they chose not to take any of the free, safe, effective vaccines.

Long-term benefits to the gene pool notwithstanding, why are we allowing the maniacs who spread the disinformation responsible for that horrifying statistic to set education policy? Does that sound like a good idea to anyone?

I mean, I guess if you’ve survived two years of Carlson’s coronavirus lies, you may as well get good n’ lubed up, and irradiate your scrotum. If you’re a SISSY, that is. REAL men dip their ballsack in lye, every morning, with their coffee, which REAL men lace with bleach, thumbtacks, and motor oil.

And because everything is extremely gross these days, we can actually tie Tucker Carlson’s White Power Hour directly to recent events in DeSantistan. In a great, big bow. With a tapeworm.

And that tapeworm is a Twitter account called “Libs of TikTok,” the ruptured cyst of oozing hatred at the center of the frenzied, manufactured “grooming” panic currently spiraling out of control on the American Right.

Now, to cut through the feigned indignation of the conservative media bubble, what Libs of TikTok does is target LGBTQ+ folks for harassment. This “groomer” ****, like so much right-wing messaging these days, is designed to dehumanize political opponents, in order to justify, and even encourage violence.

It’s straight-up Nazi ****!

Meanwhile, Mark Meadows got caught registering to vote in three different states simultaneously, and a couple of Steve Bannon’s confederates in that ******* wall-building scam pleaded guilty to defrauding donors,

but y’know, something something populism, something something law and order. These **** people.

It reflects poorly upon American culture and character that we’re even entertaining the thought of returning them to power, but so does the ivermectin-chugging and scrotum-tanning, I suppose. And then there’s this.
 
 

The latest gems from the Shower Cap Blog:

Ask Not at Whom the Pineapple Flies, Mr. Trump; It Flies at Thee - Shower Cap Blog

excerpts part one:

I feel like there are two kinds of news stories these days: those demonstrating the catastrophic consequences of empowering the rageful nationalism sweeping through the global Right, and the ones about America’s Republican Party looking upon those consequences and squealing, “Gimmie some more of THAT!” In other words, **** remains cray cray.

I guess the Russkies’re being marginally less idiotically suicidal than Phase One: Sit Here and Get Shot At, but we are most definitely not watching a superpower work its inevitable will on a weaker neighbor. The last traces of that carefully constructed strongman/chessmaster image dissipated weeks ago, like an asparagus fart, and all that remains of Putin now is a sort of ****, mangier Wile E. Coyote, trapped in a spiral of petulant aggression and humiliating defeat.

Now the Russians bitch n’ moan because the War Where You Weren’t Supposed to Fight Back You Guys has spilled over into the murderous motherland. **** you. Don’t start wars. Spare us the mewling victimhood of the exposed bully, at any rate.

Seems there aren’t enough mass graves in Mariupol to make the Senate’s Fakest Doctor stop spreading the Kremlin’s filthy propaganda, such is Rand Paul’s loyalty to the creed of kakistocracy. Forgive me for taking the low-hanging fruit, but it’s truly a wonder he doesn’t get punched more.

Of course, Republican voters seem rather fond of obsequiousness in their leaders, which isn’t really any more counterintuitive than the rest of the insane **** they believe, I suppose.

The once-great state of Florida continues its distressingly swift devolution into the **** Republic of DeSantistan, complete with appropriately obscene congressional gerrymander.

How long, one wonders, before Reichskommissar Ron-Ron dispatches his new “fraud police” force to Disney World as shock troops?
 

CONTINUED FROM ABOVE excerpts part two:

Thousands of newly released Mark Meadows texts further illuminate the criminal blundering of the confederacy of fascist dunces who tried to steal our government from us not so very long ago, and I have vague memories of living in a country where such things would’ve been frowned upon

Jesus **** Christ, did somebody forget to lock Marjorie Taylor Greene’s crate? She’s been on a goddamn rampage, the brownshirt equivalent of a wild spring break in Cabo; calling for “Marshall Law*,” and lurching to the brink of a kooky catfight with fellow psychopath Lauren Boebert.

Oh, and despite her Q-drenched ravings about Satan allegedly controlling the Catholic Church, she’s taken to palling around with Milo Yiannopolous, a disgraced, ultra-ultra-ultra-ultra-right-wing fanatic, who is literally famous for condoning pedophilia.

No doubt this unignorable hypocrisy marks the end of her MAGA influence; they’re a notoriously ethically consistent bunch.

Cutting through the **** to get to the heart of modern conservatism, here’s Tennessee State Representative Jerry Sexton, casually expressing his desire to burn books, as though it were the most ordinary thing in the world, which it is…to Nazis.

Really stellar personality to build a cult around, is what I’m saying. Exemplary choice, kids.

I mean, the Sacred Passing of the Cognitive Test is practically a Bible story now. Anyway, communion today is a shot of livestock dewormer in front of the scroto-tanner, enjoy!
 

The Susan Collinsest Susan Collins That Ever Susan Collinsed - Shower Cap Blog

excerpts part one:

So, I’m guessing by now you’ve heard about Sammy Alito’s little Guess Whose Rights I’m Taking Away This Summer essay. I have to say, there’s nothing quite so disturbing as a Republican reveling in his own abuse of power; and of course, punishing so many uppity women all at once, conceivably for generations yet to come, is every religious fanatic’s wettest dream made reality. So it’s pretty gross out there.

Within the snug, padded confines of the wingnut outrage bubble, (“Where THEY’RE always the victim, no matter whose neck THEIR boot is crushing!”) the real scandal here isn’t a deranged, illegitimate, theocrat court abusing their purloined authority to steal millions of Americans’ rights, in vicious defiance of the public will, but rather…that the opinion leaked.

Because I guess the plan was to keep the whole thing secret. Quiet, like. Slide it into the Friday news dump, everybody just shrugs and moves on to whatever’s on HBO.

I understand that rationality isn’t really a “thing” on the right these days, but they truly seem to expect folks to docilely accept the steady erosion of their rights by a resentment-fueled, kakistocrat minority.

Now, we’ve all seen this day coming, and we all knew exactly how Susan Collins would behave when it came, but actually sitting through the obscene spectacle of her sputtering, stupid, self-justifying lies made me puke on my shoes.

Incidentally, the Senator from 'Moderate Cloud Cuckoo Land' has already announced she won’t be backing Senate Dems’ reproductive rights bill, offering an unusually insulting bit of swiftly-debunked **** as justification, because she’s Susan Collins, and these are simply the sorts of things one does when one is Susan Collins. It would be funny, I suppose, if it weren’t for all the senseless human suffering she’s caused.

And of course, various regional cells of the American Taliban have all sorts of additional legislative vileness on tap, eager to test the limits of this mad new majority’s tolerance for authoritarianism.

I don’t imagine we’ve seen the last wave of **** out of Anti Choicey Barrett and her power-drunk gang of thugs, is all I’m saying.
 
 

CONTINUED FROM ABOVE:

excerpts part two:

The Failing New York Times debuted an experimental new horror section, publishing a three-part deep dive into Tucker Carlson, the throbbing, acid-spewing tumor at the heart of ascendant American fascism, and the apparatus he uses to spread his infection: the Orwellian Fox News Channel.

Here in this childishly scatological blog, we’ve seen Liar Tuck for the assiduous manufacturer of goose-stepping terrorists he is for a while now.

Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene are not, I’m sad to report, behind bars where they belong, but actively campaigning for J.D. Vance, who, as the sort of fellow who willingly associates with violence-inciting maniacs and child molesters, would, I think, make for a very poor Senator indeed.

I see the death cult felt like spicing up the expected slate of Q-addled ****, nominating a charming fellow who finds himself currently incarcerated for KILLING HIS CANCER-STRICKEN WIFE with a “concrete, gallon-sized flower pot.”  You’re gonna fit right in.

The **** the human the better, as far as Cult45 is concerned.

God knows Idaho Lt. Governor Janice McGeachin has been having the time of her life, wallowing in the white nationalist hog pen she tripped into a few weeks back, at Nick Fuentes’ Grievance Gala for the White and Subpar.

Greg Abbott’s sorry bid for his own fifteen MAGA minutes failed to capture the mob’s attention, let alone their adoration, and now he’s just the guy who gave some undocumented migrants a bus ride to D.C. at Texas taxpayers’ expense. Real nice work, kid.

Which is why I certainly wish Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis well with that shiny, new grand jury over in Georgia. I know you’re not supposed to have favorites, but of all the legal challenges besieging the nitwit cabal that tried to steal my country, this is the one that holds my heart.

And maybe that’s because I just really, really hope it’s formally written down somewhere that it’s illegal to call up an election official and brazenly ask him to fraudulently alter voting results.
 

If we wanted to read the shower cap blog. We would go there.
no one is gonna read all that crap. Holy ****.

sootedupCyndi » 07 May 2022, 11:49 pm » wrote: ↑

07 May 2022, 11:49 pm

If we wanted to read the shower cap blog. We would go there.
no one is gonna read all that crap. Holy ****.

I understand how people like YOU might want to shut down information you don't like, even information of reich winged **** mixed with a smattering of humor, but this thread has in excess of 1400 VIEWS.

So my advice to those such as yourself who aren't "gonna read all that crap" is, stay the fk out of the thread. K??

B.See » 07 May 2022, 11:57 pm » wrote: ↑

07 May 2022, 11:57 pm

I understand how people like YOU might want to shut down information you don't like, even information of reich winged **** mixed with a smattering of humor, but this thread has in excess of 1400 VIEWS.

So my advice to those such as yourself who aren't "gonna read all that crap" is, stay the fk out of the thread. K??

Of course it does. Its been around 5 months. trust me.. No one is reading that. Just clicking on it.

 The thread -Trump wanted to bomb mexico has 1300..
and it was just started. HOOT
 

sootedupCyndi » 08 May 2022, 3:18 am » wrote: ↑

08 May 2022, 3:18 am

Of course it does. Its been around 5 months. trust me.. No one is reading that. Just clicking on it.

 The thread -Trump wanted to bomb mexico has 1300..
and it was just started. HOOT

How do YOU know whether they're just "clicking on it" and that no one is reading it?? Are you now the spokesperson / soothsayer know-it-all for what gets read and what doesn't??

Besides, if it's all the same to YOU, I think I'd prefer 1400 views in a month to a thread full of drive by postings and trolling **** like YOU usually post.

Don't like the thread, SKIP it. Like I do for 90 percent of the **** your buddies post.
 
 

 Y'know, on SECOND thought, and in honor of k-k-cancel culture Cyndi, soothsayer (or is it SOOT?) supervisor of "who's really reading what ****" - I've decided to post yet a THIRD installment from this week's Shower Cap Blog for even more people to "not read any of it."

The Susan Collinsest Susan Collins That Ever Susan Collinsed - Shower Cap Blog

excerpts part THREE:

People who attempt things as foolish and ignoble as mimicking Donald Trump’s political tactics shouldn’t be in charge because they’re ****, hateful people. People who make the attempt, and fail as spectacularly as Abbott shouldn’t be in charge because they’re **** idiots. I’m sure there’s a third reason Abbott shouldn’t be in charge, but do you really need it? 

Former Turd Reich Defense Secretary Mark Esper’s new book is apparently chock-full of anecdotes about Wee Donnie One-Term trying to get the Pentagon to slaughter people for him, be they peacefully protesting American citizens, or whoever might find themselves on the receiving end of the missiles he proposed lobbing into Mexico, believing evading responsibility for this act of war on a neighboring ally would be as simple as blaming a fart on the dog, or Eric probably, now that I think about it.

One obvious thought here is that “trigger-happy” is maybe not the best quality for a Commander in Chief.

You never hear a story about Donald Trump asking if the army could like, cut through all the goddamn red tape and just deliver food to hungry children, y’know? Just periodic, sullen stabs at Can I Haz Secret Police?

Madison Cawthorn has gotten himself into so much unsettlingly weird trouble, and at such a young age, that I’m honestly starting to feel insecure about my own productivity levels. Like, this kid’s bucket list is deeeeeeply **** up, yes, but he’s certainly checkin’ **** off. (And may I gently suggest it’s in the national interest to get this little Nazi creep the **** out of Congress before he works his way to the bottom?)

Seems Lauren Boebert has “written” a “book,” and admit it, you’re morbidly curious to witness the contortions this poo-flinging fascist dolt undertakes to craft a hero narrative around herself. She should call it, “My Struggul.”

In such jet-black times, you gotta take the good news wherever you can find it; in this week’s case, in the welcome twist at the end of an otherwise unpleasant headline like, “GOP candidate who told women to “enjoy” rape suffers surprise loss.”

Lotta magic in those last three words, don’tcha think? “Suffers surprise loss.” Say ‘em out loud…pretty sweet, huh? And I believe there’re plenty of opportunities to hang those same three words on a whole bunch of aspiring autocrats this November.

Let’s sneak up on ‘em while they’re measuring the drapes, shall we?