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LAGNIAPPE: The Shower Cap Blog
LAGNIAPPE: The Shower Cap Blog
By B.See
5 Jan 2022 7:34 am in Liberals Only Political Chat Room
11 Jun 2022 4:54 am
EXCERPTS PART TWO:
At the risk of escalating partisan tensions, lemme address the tiki torch crowd real quick: kids, replacing you is actually a highly rational act.
Look at yourselves. You suck. You absolutely **** suck. It’s not some zany coincidence that domestic terror organizations recruit from the same pool of angry, weak-minded losers that make up the ISISes of the world, y’know.)
Speaking of, seems our old friend Marjorie Taylor Guam hired pedophilia apologist Milo Yiannopoulos as an intern, so you know that office water cooler is set to become the spot for trendy young Washington fascists to see and be seen.
Anyway, yeah, Nazis congregating on the staff of a U.S. Representative, that’s probably suboptimal. And while we’re on that distressingly specific topic, a Republican candidate for the United States Congress got caught straight up praising Hitler, and with a lead-in like that, I bet you think this paragraph couldn’t get too terribly much darker.
Oh, my sweet, summer child. Y’see, Carl Paladino, manifestly unfit for office even before we heard him refer to Adolf Hitler as “the kind of leader we need today” on account of how “inspirational” he was, boasts the endorsement of one Elise Stefanik, the fashiest lil’ climber you ever did see, and the House GOP’s third-ranking leader.
We’ve normalized some pretty freaky **** in this country over the past half-decade or so, but I feel like cutting the guy who goes, “What we need is a Hitler!” loose shouldn’t be a particularly hard call. Now, it seems fairly obvious that anyone who fails to clear that low, low moral hurdle shouldn’t get a seat at the table where laws get made, but I bet saying so counts as “critical race theory,” so I expect Ron DeSantis’ shock troops to break down my door any minute now.
Meanwhile, Michigan Republican gubernatorial candidate Ryan Kelley got arrested by the FBI for misdemeanors committed at the Capitol Riot. And yeah, it feels like low-hanging fruit to jocularly insinuate these charges will lead to a surge in the polls and the endorsement of (Donald Trump), but it also feels like a headline we’ll see before next Wednesday.
Wouldn’t it be cool to live in a country where this **** was disqualifying? The racist, violence-inciting conspiracy theories, and the criminal assaults on our fundamental democratic rights? Where a psychopath like Doug Mastriano gets laughed out of the building, instead of winning his primary?
At the risk of escalating partisan tensions, lemme address the tiki torch crowd real quick: kids, replacing you is actually a highly rational act.
Look at yourselves. You suck. You absolutely **** suck. It’s not some zany coincidence that domestic terror organizations recruit from the same pool of angry, weak-minded losers that make up the ISISes of the world, y’know.)
Speaking of, seems our old friend Marjorie Taylor Guam hired pedophilia apologist Milo Yiannopoulos as an intern, so you know that office water cooler is set to become the spot for trendy young Washington fascists to see and be seen.
Anyway, yeah, Nazis congregating on the staff of a U.S. Representative, that’s probably suboptimal. And while we’re on that distressingly specific topic, a Republican candidate for the United States Congress got caught straight up praising Hitler, and with a lead-in like that, I bet you think this paragraph couldn’t get too terribly much darker.
Oh, my sweet, summer child. Y’see, Carl Paladino, manifestly unfit for office even before we heard him refer to Adolf Hitler as “the kind of leader we need today” on account of how “inspirational” he was, boasts the endorsement of one Elise Stefanik, the fashiest lil’ climber you ever did see, and the House GOP’s third-ranking leader.
We’ve normalized some pretty freaky **** in this country over the past half-decade or so, but I feel like cutting the guy who goes, “What we need is a Hitler!” loose shouldn’t be a particularly hard call. Now, it seems fairly obvious that anyone who fails to clear that low, low moral hurdle shouldn’t get a seat at the table where laws get made, but I bet saying so counts as “critical race theory,” so I expect Ron DeSantis’ shock troops to break down my door any minute now.
Meanwhile, Michigan Republican gubernatorial candidate Ryan Kelley got arrested by the FBI for misdemeanors committed at the Capitol Riot. And yeah, it feels like low-hanging fruit to jocularly insinuate these charges will lead to a surge in the polls and the endorsement of (Donald Trump), but it also feels like a headline we’ll see before next Wednesday.
Wouldn’t it be cool to live in a country where this **** was disqualifying? The racist, violence-inciting conspiracy theories, and the criminal assaults on our fundamental democratic rights? Where a psychopath like Doug Mastriano gets laughed out of the building, instead of winning his primary?
11 Jun 2022 5:01 am
And since @ what's his name ASKED for it, here are
EXCERPTS PART THREE:
Is this a bad time to bring up the political assassination in Wisconsin? Or do we only have time for the above-the-fold domestic terrorist violence this week?
If I’d cravenly compromised away as much integrity and decency as the modern American Right, I’d live in mortal terror of mirrors, too.
It must be damn near impossible to stand the sight of yourself, when you’ve the done the things that, say, Mark Meadows has done.
The simple, unavoidable truth is, these feebleminded asshats pulled a metric **** of insane, criminal, utterly immoral ****, in a concerted if deranged effort to end American democracy, and seize power for themselves in perpetuity. And I just think that sort of thing ought to be discouraged is all.
Supreme Court Justices’ wives should not be pressuring 29 state-level lawmakers to thwart the electorate’s will, for example.
And if your cause is truly just n’ pure, there shouldn’t be any need to plot in “complete secrecy,” surely.
By the time folks start spitballing about hiring armed “contractors” to seize voting equipment, I feel as though one’s moral compass should be fully anthropomorphized and screaming at you to get your **** together.
But no, you not only stayed aboard the crazy train, you offered the goddamn Proud Boys and Oath Keepers a ride, and they did what bloodthirsty neo-fascist thugs do when handed a permission structure and institutional cover: they tried to take what they wanted by force. Which was the plan all along,
hence the seditious conspiracy indictments cluttering up the joint lately.
Y’all built a lynch mob that waged war on Capitol law enforcement, with officers “slipping in people’s blood” defending your collaborating asses,
and after a brief, frantic scramble for pardons, you once again absolved yourselves of any wrongdoing,
and went straight back to work inciting the next murderous maniac, and the next one and the next one and the next one.
God damn you one and all.
...amen, bro.
EXCERPTS PART THREE:
Is this a bad time to bring up the political assassination in Wisconsin? Or do we only have time for the above-the-fold domestic terrorist violence this week?
If I’d cravenly compromised away as much integrity and decency as the modern American Right, I’d live in mortal terror of mirrors, too.
It must be damn near impossible to stand the sight of yourself, when you’ve the done the things that, say, Mark Meadows has done.
The simple, unavoidable truth is, these feebleminded asshats pulled a metric **** of insane, criminal, utterly immoral ****, in a concerted if deranged effort to end American democracy, and seize power for themselves in perpetuity. And I just think that sort of thing ought to be discouraged is all.
Supreme Court Justices’ wives should not be pressuring 29 state-level lawmakers to thwart the electorate’s will, for example.
And if your cause is truly just n’ pure, there shouldn’t be any need to plot in “complete secrecy,” surely.
By the time folks start spitballing about hiring armed “contractors” to seize voting equipment, I feel as though one’s moral compass should be fully anthropomorphized and screaming at you to get your **** together.
But no, you not only stayed aboard the crazy train, you offered the goddamn Proud Boys and Oath Keepers a ride, and they did what bloodthirsty neo-fascist thugs do when handed a permission structure and institutional cover: they tried to take what they wanted by force. Which was the plan all along,
hence the seditious conspiracy indictments cluttering up the joint lately.
Y’all built a lynch mob that waged war on Capitol law enforcement, with officers “slipping in people’s blood” defending your collaborating asses,
and after a brief, frantic scramble for pardons, you once again absolved yourselves of any wrongdoing,
and went straight back to work inciting the next murderous maniac, and the next one and the next one and the next one.
God damn you one and all.
...amen, bro.
11 Jun 2022 5:05 am
Right, that explains why you felt compelled to my worthless drive by from last monday...B.See » 11 Jun 2022, 4:47 am » wrote: ↑ erm... like a guy who couldn't give a flying **** about YOUR worthless drive bys??
Not that I give a **** but where is the latest episode of shower cap nut, @Blackvegetable promised it would be brutal?
In memory of Pumpkins
11 Jun 2022 5:07 am
Jantje_Smit » 11 Jun 2022, 5:05 am » wrote: ↑ Right, that explains why you felt compelled to my worthless drive by from last monday...
Not that I give a **** but where is the latest episode of shower cap nut, @Blackvegetable promised it would be brutal?
...Look UP, champ.
11 Jun 2022 5:15 am
Ah, good.... now I can tell you again that no one gives a ****....
In memory of Pumpkins
11 Jun 2022 6:35 am
Is there something wrong with your innertubes, brinker?Jantje_Smit » 11 Jun 2022, 5:05 am » wrote: ↑ Right, that explains why you felt compelled to my worthless drive by from last monday...
Not that I give a **** but where is the latest episode of shower cap nut, @Blackvegetable promised it would be brutal?
11 Jun 2022 6:36 am
For whom are you speaking?Jantje_Smit » 11 Jun 2022, 5:15 am » wrote: ↑ Ah, good.... now I can tell you again that no one gives a ****....
**** idiots.
11 Jun 2022 6:54 am
You sound upset this morning... well, more upset than usual... what is it this time, wasn't captain showercap brutal enough for your taste?
In memory of Pumpkins
18 Jun 2022 6:42 am
Won't be posting too much tonight. For one, it was a slow newsday and I've got other stuff to DO. Besides which I think I already chewed out enuf AZZ the day before. Yeah, I know I'd just written that I wouldn't be responding to these fascists, bigots, and assorted nitwits, but hey, see what happens when you actually FALL for the notion that you won't occasionally get bitch slapped right back?? 
Anywho, here's some excerpts from this week's edition of THE SHOWER CAP BLOG:
The Law Firm of Giuliani, Eastman, & Clark: Insurrecting Incompetently Since 2020 - Shower Cap Blog
EXCERPTS PART ONE:
Well, the second week of the Capitol Riot hearings kicked off with the image of a **** Rudy Giuliani, stumbling around on election night, leaking god knows how many bodily fluids, in search of any potential collaborators who might’ve been feelin’ a little “down to insurrect”...
As you’ll recall, the whole bath-salts-on-rye-toast legal theory animating the Stoopid Coo was the attempt to recast then-Vice President Pence as some sort of human Get Out of Jail Free card, or a lamp you could rub (not in front of Mother, of course) to get three treasonous wishes.
And no, that does not make a metric lick of sense, but given Donald Trump’s well-established lack of regard for human life, and a management style based on elevating whatever turd-gargling moron happens to tell him what he wants to hear, the dumbest of all possible constitutional crises was probably inevitable.
Leading the charge were the likes of John Eastman and Jeffrey Clark, subpar bureaucrat types driven to high crimes by the intoxicating prospect of ruling America forever. They fully understood what they were attempting was immoral, and illegal, and would surely lead to widespread unrest and violence, but, y’know…YOLO.
Ol’ Johnny E certainly left the digital paper trail of a man who expected to see the end of the rule of law in the United States. Lordy. How long till we learn Ginni Thomas had a few Oath Keepers over for an afternoon of cucumber sandwiches, bridge, and bomb-making?
Anywho, here's some excerpts from this week's edition of THE SHOWER CAP BLOG:
The Law Firm of Giuliani, Eastman, & Clark: Insurrecting Incompetently Since 2020 - Shower Cap Blog
EXCERPTS PART ONE:
Well, the second week of the Capitol Riot hearings kicked off with the image of a **** Rudy Giuliani, stumbling around on election night, leaking god knows how many bodily fluids, in search of any potential collaborators who might’ve been feelin’ a little “down to insurrect”...
As you’ll recall, the whole bath-salts-on-rye-toast legal theory animating the Stoopid Coo was the attempt to recast then-Vice President Pence as some sort of human Get Out of Jail Free card, or a lamp you could rub (not in front of Mother, of course) to get three treasonous wishes.
And no, that does not make a metric lick of sense, but given Donald Trump’s well-established lack of regard for human life, and a management style based on elevating whatever turd-gargling moron happens to tell him what he wants to hear, the dumbest of all possible constitutional crises was probably inevitable.
Leading the charge were the likes of John Eastman and Jeffrey Clark, subpar bureaucrat types driven to high crimes by the intoxicating prospect of ruling America forever. They fully understood what they were attempting was immoral, and illegal, and would surely lead to widespread unrest and violence, but, y’know…YOLO.
Ol’ Johnny E certainly left the digital paper trail of a man who expected to see the end of the rule of law in the United States. Lordy. How long till we learn Ginni Thomas had a few Oath Keepers over for an afternoon of cucumber sandwiches, bridge, and bomb-making?
18 Jun 2022 6:45 am
EXCERPTS PART TWO:
For a man who couldn’t pass a third grade social studies test, Eastman was actually quite astute in his assessment that what John Eastman needed after weeks of sustained treachery was a presidential pardon, because hey, even a stopped clock. He didn’t get one, by the way…you gotta camp out for that ****, hoss.
On the grassroots level, plans were equally Gohmertian, as the ****-from-unusually-stupid-bats plan outlined in the Proud Boys’ “1776 Returns” document demonstrates. I’m endlessly thankful for the American fascist’s cerebral deficiencies; sometimes I wonder if our best tools for derailing dictatorship won’t ultimately prove to be unheeded warnings on hair dryers and chainsaws and whatnot.
Even with so much historic **** to document, the January 6th committee still made time to remind Cult45 that their cheap, grifter god pockets every dollar they donate, with nary a stray nickel set aside for the restoration of American greatness, but we’re talking about the most bilkable creatures to e’er walk the Earth...
Georgia Congressthug Barry Loudermilk has changed his story regarding the tour of the Capitol he led last January 5th so many times, you’d think he was auditioning for a gig with the Uvalde PD.
I believe the latest-but-by-no-means-last version asks us to believe the charming fellow who recorded himself threatening multiple Congressmen wasn’t conducting reconnaissance, he was merely a wall sconce aficionado. We’re not all docile death cultists, Barry.
For a man who couldn’t pass a third grade social studies test, Eastman was actually quite astute in his assessment that what John Eastman needed after weeks of sustained treachery was a presidential pardon, because hey, even a stopped clock. He didn’t get one, by the way…you gotta camp out for that ****, hoss.
On the grassroots level, plans were equally Gohmertian, as the ****-from-unusually-stupid-bats plan outlined in the Proud Boys’ “1776 Returns” document demonstrates. I’m endlessly thankful for the American fascist’s cerebral deficiencies; sometimes I wonder if our best tools for derailing dictatorship won’t ultimately prove to be unheeded warnings on hair dryers and chainsaws and whatnot.
Even with so much historic **** to document, the January 6th committee still made time to remind Cult45 that their cheap, grifter god pockets every dollar they donate, with nary a stray nickel set aside for the restoration of American greatness, but we’re talking about the most bilkable creatures to e’er walk the Earth...
Georgia Congressthug Barry Loudermilk has changed his story regarding the tour of the Capitol he led last January 5th so many times, you’d think he was auditioning for a gig with the Uvalde PD.
I believe the latest-but-by-no-means-last version asks us to believe the charming fellow who recorded himself threatening multiple Congressmen wasn’t conducting reconnaissance, he was merely a wall sconce aficionado. We’re not all docile death cultists, Barry.
26 Jun 2022 6:24 am
THIS FRIDAY'S SHOWER CAP BLOG:
I Hope Ruth Bader Ginsburg Haunts the **** Out of These Assholes - Shower Cap Blog
excerpts part one:
So, a theocrat, a drunken mediocrity and an insurrectionists’ spouse walk into a bar. Excuse me, not a bar, I meant “the Supreme Court,” where the illegitimately installed operatives of a tyrannical minority continue incinerating the Constitution with their purloined blowtorch.
Yeah, the evil **** went and did it. I suppose you don’t go to all the trouble of stealing that sort of power without plans to abuse it.
Of course, it’s not all medieval regression at the Supreme Court; while women lose rights by the bushel, guns gain new privileges every day. Yes, still dripping blood from Uvalde and Sandy Hook, they strut obscenely to and fro, squawking about how much they value the lives of children. Anyway, looking forward to 2028’s Gaetz-Greitens Act, formally enfranchising the nation’s firearms.
Oh, and more fun, American taxpayers are now obligated to fund any wingnut indoctrination camp masquerading as a “religious school.” I’m starting to understand why this ideology has trouble attracting an electoral majority.
Of course, even this radical assault on human rights and the will of the people isn’t enough for Clarence Thomas, who’s already getting new boots made for the next set of necks.
The week started innocently enough, with a more-laughable-than-usual deployment of the right-wing nutjobosphere’s clunky, sputtering, faux outrage machine, in service to the, let’s call it “questionable” legal theory that a briefly detained Stephen Colbert film crew is somehow morally and legally equivalent to a certain hate-crazed mob that inflicted 140 casualties on Capitol law enforcement.
And that seems silly, yes, but remember, there’s always a fifty-fifty chance Chuck Todd’ll platform your **** as a completely valid point of view.
I Hope Ruth Bader Ginsburg Haunts the **** Out of These Assholes - Shower Cap Blog
excerpts part one:
So, a theocrat, a drunken mediocrity and an insurrectionists’ spouse walk into a bar. Excuse me, not a bar, I meant “the Supreme Court,” where the illegitimately installed operatives of a tyrannical minority continue incinerating the Constitution with their purloined blowtorch.
Yeah, the evil **** went and did it. I suppose you don’t go to all the trouble of stealing that sort of power without plans to abuse it.
Of course, it’s not all medieval regression at the Supreme Court; while women lose rights by the bushel, guns gain new privileges every day. Yes, still dripping blood from Uvalde and Sandy Hook, they strut obscenely to and fro, squawking about how much they value the lives of children. Anyway, looking forward to 2028’s Gaetz-Greitens Act, formally enfranchising the nation’s firearms.
Oh, and more fun, American taxpayers are now obligated to fund any wingnut indoctrination camp masquerading as a “religious school.” I’m starting to understand why this ideology has trouble attracting an electoral majority.
Of course, even this radical assault on human rights and the will of the people isn’t enough for Clarence Thomas, who’s already getting new boots made for the next set of necks.
The week started innocently enough, with a more-laughable-than-usual deployment of the right-wing nutjobosphere’s clunky, sputtering, faux outrage machine, in service to the, let’s call it “questionable” legal theory that a briefly detained Stephen Colbert film crew is somehow morally and legally equivalent to a certain hate-crazed mob that inflicted 140 casualties on Capitol law enforcement.
And that seems silly, yes, but remember, there’s always a fifty-fifty chance Chuck Todd’ll platform your **** as a completely valid point of view.
26 Jun 2022 6:28 am
excerpts part two:
But then the Republican Party of the Revanchist **** Called Texas had to go and make things scary. They’re not **** around down there, folks. And can I just say, I’m honestly surprised that Texas Log Cabin Republicans thought the state GOP convention, in the summer of 2022, would be a safe space.
Outside of the bubbling undercurrent of potential street violence, and gosh, won’t that be fun to normalize, the rest of the convention was…well, equally appalling. Fealty sworn to known lies and unapologetic bigotry. Democracy is for cucks, stuff like that.
Starting to get 1939 MSG vibes from GOP gatherings, which I don’t love.
Quite a lot of eager little brownshirts in the Freedumb Caucus, too, now that I think of it…Biggs, Brooks, Greene, Jordan, Gohmert, Gosar, Perry, all groveling for pardons after their treacherous machinations collapsed…bonus audacity points to Matt “Oh, And Leave Some Blank Space So I Can Write In A Few Sex Crimes Later” Gaetz.
Anyway, to all the Texas Republicans who suddenly understand how it feels to have your life threatened by this hate mob y’all built, (and armed, that was smart; real long-term thinkers, conservative lawmakers) you are welcome to pick up a bucket and start fighting this fire any damn day now.
But then the Republican Party of the Revanchist **** Called Texas had to go and make things scary. They’re not **** around down there, folks. And can I just say, I’m honestly surprised that Texas Log Cabin Republicans thought the state GOP convention, in the summer of 2022, would be a safe space.
Outside of the bubbling undercurrent of potential street violence, and gosh, won’t that be fun to normalize, the rest of the convention was…well, equally appalling. Fealty sworn to known lies and unapologetic bigotry. Democracy is for cucks, stuff like that.
Starting to get 1939 MSG vibes from GOP gatherings, which I don’t love.
Quite a lot of eager little brownshirts in the Freedumb Caucus, too, now that I think of it…Biggs, Brooks, Greene, Jordan, Gohmert, Gosar, Perry, all groveling for pardons after their treacherous machinations collapsed…bonus audacity points to Matt “Oh, And Leave Some Blank Space So I Can Write In A Few Sex Crimes Later” Gaetz.
Anyway, to all the Texas Republicans who suddenly understand how it feels to have your life threatened by this hate mob y’all built, (and armed, that was smart; real long-term thinkers, conservative lawmakers) you are welcome to pick up a bucket and start fighting this fire any damn day now.
26 Jun 2022 6:34 am
B.See » 05 Jan 2022, 8:34 am » wrote: ↑ 2021: A Year That Can Eat My Whole *** - Shower Cap Blog
excerpts:
"I’ve never seen a group of people so libidinous for intubation and an early grave. And this persistent undercurrent of suicidal petulance in right-wing culture doesn’t even feel newsworthy anymore; that dull, wet thudding of ten million morons rhythmically striking their own foreheads with hammers has long since faded into the background, but it’s still pretty **** up, y’know?
It’s almost impressive, how thoroughly these little jerks have broken their own brains. Like, there was this conference, for the kookiest kult kids; Flynn, Lindell, Eric Trump…a veritable carnival for the cray-cray. And a bunch of the attendees caught Covid, because OF COURSE THEY DID, **** mid-Omicron anti-vax clambake? That’s basically the free square in the middle of the bingo card, right?
But no, these braying **** actually had the gall to claim somebody released **** anthrax into their little loser treehouse, because the forces of liberalism would only naturally deem it necessary to deploy biological weaponry against a handful of dumbasses who were already inviting Covid over to play street hockey in their **** lungs."
...now that's some funny s----.
How come you banned me on yer WHINEY *** LITTLE BITCH thread?
27 Jun 2022 7:22 am
roadkill » 26 Jun 2022, 6:34 am » wrote: ↑ How come you banned me on yer WHINEY *** LITTLE BITCH thread?
Because in my op in that thread, I specifically said I didn't want: "trolling, spamming, hate speech, personal attacks, and drive by **** postings."
And that's EXACTLY WHAT YOU POSTED, you whiney *** little BITCH.
27 Jun 2022 7:26 am
B.See » 27 Jun 2022, 7:22 am » wrote: ↑ Because in my op in that thread, I specifically said I didn't want: "trolling, spamming, hate speech, personal attacks, and drive by **** postings."
And that's EXACTLY WHAT YOU POSTED, you whiney *** little BITCH.
Interesting...yer threads are the poster child for trolling.
6 Jul 2022 4:44 am
6 Jul 2022 4:48 am
I'm just getting rebooted from an extended July 4th weekend and have about two hundred articles/topics to finish parsing thru, so for now, here are some EXCERPTS from the latest edition of The Shower Cap Blog:
Everything is Terrible, But At Least We Can Still Laugh at Ted Cruz’s ****, **** Beard - Shower Cap Blog
excerpts part one:
Every day is a thrilling new adventure, here in th’Land of the Free slash th’Home of the Brave; you tuck yourself in at night, never knowing which of your rights the power-drunk, illegitimate SCOTUS majority will take from you next.
When you wake up, you don’t feel any different; you’re pretty much the same soul inside pretty much the same body, but your personhood has been legally diminished by zealots. It’s…odd.
Yeah, America was rolling along nicely, until the dominionists came to town.
Lately, I keep thinking about an old line of Dubya’s: “They hate our freedoms,” remember that one? I always thought it was a weird thing to suggest, but now I understand.
He was speaking from a place of deep, personal experience, as a member of one fanatical religious group speaking about another.
While one certainly expects a conservative death cult to be regressive, I suppose one can never fully grasp the extent of the regressiveness until the death cult seizes a 6-3 majority on the Supreme Court.
They really, truly, madly, deeply despise our freedoms, and thus, well…they’re taking them away.
The legal theories are consistent, if ****: if we’re not allowed to protect our children from gun violence, why should we be allowed to protect all life on Earth from climate change? All suffering is God’s will, most especially suffering inflicted by the minoritarian despot firm of Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, Roberts, Alito, Thomas, & Coney Barrett.
As we settle into our new role as an international cautionary tale, the domestic Right is responding to the new reproductive rights landscape like a cannibal gang that just devoured a meth den. They’re euphoric about all the women they get to hurt right away, sure,
but they’re also already feverishly concocting grotesque new weapons for the theocracy to deploy in the campaign against female autonomy. We’re talking about laws to prohibit women from exercising their rights in more civilized states. Laws to punish those who do. And it’s only the first week.
Everything is Terrible, But At Least We Can Still Laugh at Ted Cruz’s ****, **** Beard - Shower Cap Blog
excerpts part one:
Every day is a thrilling new adventure, here in th’Land of the Free slash th’Home of the Brave; you tuck yourself in at night, never knowing which of your rights the power-drunk, illegitimate SCOTUS majority will take from you next.
When you wake up, you don’t feel any different; you’re pretty much the same soul inside pretty much the same body, but your personhood has been legally diminished by zealots. It’s…odd.
Yeah, America was rolling along nicely, until the dominionists came to town.
Lately, I keep thinking about an old line of Dubya’s: “They hate our freedoms,” remember that one? I always thought it was a weird thing to suggest, but now I understand.
He was speaking from a place of deep, personal experience, as a member of one fanatical religious group speaking about another.
While one certainly expects a conservative death cult to be regressive, I suppose one can never fully grasp the extent of the regressiveness until the death cult seizes a 6-3 majority on the Supreme Court.
They really, truly, madly, deeply despise our freedoms, and thus, well…they’re taking them away.
The legal theories are consistent, if ****: if we’re not allowed to protect our children from gun violence, why should we be allowed to protect all life on Earth from climate change? All suffering is God’s will, most especially suffering inflicted by the minoritarian despot firm of Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, Roberts, Alito, Thomas, & Coney Barrett.
As we settle into our new role as an international cautionary tale, the domestic Right is responding to the new reproductive rights landscape like a cannibal gang that just devoured a meth den. They’re euphoric about all the women they get to hurt right away, sure,
but they’re also already feverishly concocting grotesque new weapons for the theocracy to deploy in the campaign against female autonomy. We’re talking about laws to prohibit women from exercising their rights in more civilized states. Laws to punish those who do. And it’s only the first week.
6 Jul 2022 4:53 am
excerpts part two:
With the resentment-fueled Wingnut God of Hate squatting in the halls of justice, a wave of fresh attacks on LGBTQ rights is next on the agenda; Texas AG Ken Paxton is standing giddily by with an archaic anti-sodomy law he can’t **** wait to take out for a test drive.
Away from the headline-grabbing stuff about all the decades of progress these six unelected asshats just pissed on, Justice Thomas casually slid a Taylor Greene-worthy conspiracy theory into one of his dissents, in case anybody’s wounds were insufficiently salted.
Oh, and to really rub the Constitution’s nose in it, the robed **** also took a great, big, scary step towards eliminating liberty from their own religion, bet we haven’t heard the last of that ****.
“Yeah, WE can pray wherever we want. We’ll pray with our knees on your **** necks, Derek Chauvin-style.” Because the Lauren Boeberts of the world are sick and goshdarn tired of this **** separation of (their) church and (our) state.
They’ve got a god who says they’re allowed to push everyone else around, which is a pretty convenient god, if you ask me, but the Supreme Court just made Him Governor of California, CEO of Facebook, and People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive from now until the sun goes out.
The Professor Marvel Memorial “Pay No Attention to the Fascist Behind the Curtain” award goes to Trump-endorsed Congresscreep Mary Miller, who, as you are no doubt aware, referred to the tyrannical usurpation of Americans’ civil rights as “a victory for white life.”
Yes, the same Mary Miller who initially rose to national prominence by opining “Hitler was right on one thing,” why do you ask?
Anyhoo, the political movement that re-canonizes Kyle Rittenhouse every other week is desperate to spin the narrative that it is Democrats who are the Violent Ones, Actually, and many a vein popped in many a deplorable forehead, as they collectively strained to will a post-Roe “Night of Rage” into being.
Reality, as is so often the case with these folks, proved unaccommodating.
Still, evidence of Democratic brutality is liberally (GET IT) strewn about us, if we’re honest.
Nancy Pelosi assaulted that kid, for example, and poor Rudy Giuliani was beaten so badly his subpar son’s political career died.
With the resentment-fueled Wingnut God of Hate squatting in the halls of justice, a wave of fresh attacks on LGBTQ rights is next on the agenda; Texas AG Ken Paxton is standing giddily by with an archaic anti-sodomy law he can’t **** wait to take out for a test drive.
Away from the headline-grabbing stuff about all the decades of progress these six unelected asshats just pissed on, Justice Thomas casually slid a Taylor Greene-worthy conspiracy theory into one of his dissents, in case anybody’s wounds were insufficiently salted.
Oh, and to really rub the Constitution’s nose in it, the robed **** also took a great, big, scary step towards eliminating liberty from their own religion, bet we haven’t heard the last of that ****.
“Yeah, WE can pray wherever we want. We’ll pray with our knees on your **** necks, Derek Chauvin-style.” Because the Lauren Boeberts of the world are sick and goshdarn tired of this **** separation of (their) church and (our) state.
They’ve got a god who says they’re allowed to push everyone else around, which is a pretty convenient god, if you ask me, but the Supreme Court just made Him Governor of California, CEO of Facebook, and People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive from now until the sun goes out.
The Professor Marvel Memorial “Pay No Attention to the Fascist Behind the Curtain” award goes to Trump-endorsed Congresscreep Mary Miller, who, as you are no doubt aware, referred to the tyrannical usurpation of Americans’ civil rights as “a victory for white life.”
Yes, the same Mary Miller who initially rose to national prominence by opining “Hitler was right on one thing,” why do you ask?
Anyhoo, the political movement that re-canonizes Kyle Rittenhouse every other week is desperate to spin the narrative that it is Democrats who are the Violent Ones, Actually, and many a vein popped in many a deplorable forehead, as they collectively strained to will a post-Roe “Night of Rage” into being.
Reality, as is so often the case with these folks, proved unaccommodating.
Still, evidence of Democratic brutality is liberally (GET IT) strewn about us, if we’re honest.
Nancy Pelosi assaulted that kid, for example, and poor Rudy Giuliani was beaten so badly his subpar son’s political career died.
9 Jul 2022 11:43 pm
The News, or: An Incomprehensibly Vast Sea of Buttholes, Stretching Beyond the Horizon - Shower Cap Blog
excerpts:
In my lonesome wanderings through the wasteland called “the news,” I stumbled across a conversation in which Alex Jones suggested to Marjorie Taylor Greene that she should run for president, because she’s “smarter” than Trump...
The question, “who is less intelligent, Donald John Trump, or Marjorie Taylor Greene?” is…it feels almost too big wrap your mind around.
I mean, who can forget the spectacle of that dizzy twit, babbling about disinfectant injections and ultraviolet light, expectantly waiting to be showered with gratitude and hooker piss, while the world watched Deborah Birx’s soul flee her body?
But Marj’s brain resembles nothing so much as a single tapeworm, forever devouring its own *** end. This week alone, she fell for the **** imaginable photoshopping, yet still felt confident enough to dismiss recent mass shootings as Democrat false flag plots, based on nothing but the same voices in her head that told her Jewish space lasers cause wildfires. It’s too close to call, folks.
I suppose the good news is, even bathsalt-garglers like Jones are looking to move on from the Deposed Dotard, thanks to the January 6th commission’s tight, sturdy work. Hey, I’ll take my silver linings where I finds ‘em. Times is hard.
But who shall inherit the death cult high priesthood, and with it, the power to command America’s burgeoning, bloodthirsty, endlessly bilkable, white grievance blob?
All sorts of putrid, viscous consensus seems to be congealing around Ron DeSantis, for his culture war cruelty. “See how effectively I harness the power of the state to harm the people you despise?” he coos, and because he does so without **** himself or tweeting slurs, he comes off like Trump But Seriously a Genius, Bro…Republican standards being what they are.
Down in Florida, Ron-Ron’s malevolent “don’t say gay” bill just kicked in, and with it, the desired climate of fear.
I confess I’m at a loss to explain what’s gained by making it unsafe for a public school teacher to display a photograph of their spouse in the classroom, beyond delighting the hateful…oh, silly me, it was right in front of me the whole time.
excerpts:
In my lonesome wanderings through the wasteland called “the news,” I stumbled across a conversation in which Alex Jones suggested to Marjorie Taylor Greene that she should run for president, because she’s “smarter” than Trump...
The question, “who is less intelligent, Donald John Trump, or Marjorie Taylor Greene?” is…it feels almost too big wrap your mind around.
I mean, who can forget the spectacle of that dizzy twit, babbling about disinfectant injections and ultraviolet light, expectantly waiting to be showered with gratitude and hooker piss, while the world watched Deborah Birx’s soul flee her body?
But Marj’s brain resembles nothing so much as a single tapeworm, forever devouring its own *** end. This week alone, she fell for the **** imaginable photoshopping, yet still felt confident enough to dismiss recent mass shootings as Democrat false flag plots, based on nothing but the same voices in her head that told her Jewish space lasers cause wildfires. It’s too close to call, folks.
I suppose the good news is, even bathsalt-garglers like Jones are looking to move on from the Deposed Dotard, thanks to the January 6th commission’s tight, sturdy work. Hey, I’ll take my silver linings where I finds ‘em. Times is hard.
But who shall inherit the death cult high priesthood, and with it, the power to command America’s burgeoning, bloodthirsty, endlessly bilkable, white grievance blob?
All sorts of putrid, viscous consensus seems to be congealing around Ron DeSantis, for his culture war cruelty. “See how effectively I harness the power of the state to harm the people you despise?” he coos, and because he does so without **** himself or tweeting slurs, he comes off like Trump But Seriously a Genius, Bro…Republican standards being what they are.
Down in Florida, Ron-Ron’s malevolent “don’t say gay” bill just kicked in, and with it, the desired climate of fear.
I confess I’m at a loss to explain what’s gained by making it unsafe for a public school teacher to display a photograph of their spouse in the classroom, beyond delighting the hateful…oh, silly me, it was right in front of me the whole time.
9 Jul 2022 11:50 pm
This weekend, instead of a part two, I thought I'd post a GUEST SPOT bit of satire from another writer. An article I saved awhile back:
Supreme Court finds that the Civil War was wrongly decided, reinstates the Confederacy.
excerpts:Flush with victory on abortion and guns, the formerly “Supreme” court is expected to release additional decisions at the end of this court term. Critics point out that Clarence Thomas, whose ownership by his great grandfathers owner’s descendants will now be reinstated, represents only 3/5 of a Justice which may allow President Biden to appoint a Justice with a 40% vote on the court. Other rulings expected to come soon:
Supreme Court finds that the Civil War was wrongly decided, reinstates the Confederacy.
excerpts:Flush with victory on abortion and guns, the formerly “Supreme” court is expected to release additional decisions at the end of this court term. Critics point out that Clarence Thomas, whose ownership by his great grandfathers owner’s descendants will now be reinstated, represents only 3/5 of a Justice which may allow President Biden to appoint a Justice with a 40% vote on the court. Other rulings expected to come soon:
- Federal payments for health care (Medicare, Medicaid) will be limited to treatments available when the constitution was written. Government funding will be limited to blood letting and trepanning. States are free to write their own rules regarding leaches. Anesthesia is now outlawed as witchcraft.
- Schools that receive government subsidies are prohibited from teaching any fact that contradicts religious beliefs establishing severe penalties for instruction that the earth is a sphere, or that the earth is older than 6,000 years. Chemistry class will be limited to discussions of “phlogiston.”
- Mental Illness determined to be caused by evil sprits, federal funds for Mental Health care are limited to treatments dating back to the founding of the Republic. Federal mental health funds may only be used to pay for exorcism.
- Freedom of the press is limited to use of a Gutenberg press to imprint berry juice and carbon onto parchment. Any ideas discussed in the printed matter must conform to rules established by the Heritage Foundation.
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