I'm cybershunasexual and it took me 30 years to realize it by MackTheFingerJR
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‘When did you decide this? Is this even a label – I’ve never heard of it. I support you, obviously, but this doesn’t sound real.’ Just some of the words that greeted me when I came out as cybershunasexual to a close friend, back in 2020. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore.
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For those of you who don’t know what cybershunasexuality is, in hyperposter terms, it simply means when someone’s sexual needs are met by being cyber shuned.
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I read and re-read the text, the dismissiveness of the non-cybershunasexual messagers cutting deeper each time. Here I was, sharing my cybershunasexuality with cyber people I trusted, only for them to scoff at my words. Although the easy defense is that you can’t determine someone’s tone from a text message, I think it’s clear that the vibe was far from supportive. It was judgmental, and immediately doubtful. Sadly, these person weren't the only ones who has voiced their opinions on my cybershunasexuality and I doubt they’ll be the last. When I told my folks that I was cybershunasexual they had a big fight over it.
When I was growing up, I’d never heard the term cybershunasexual– you were either cyber-heterosexual or cyber-homosexual as far as nineties society was concerned. Than all these
alphabet people started coming out of the closet. So I figured with all these kinky things and names...I was cybershunasexual and I was / am proud of it. And it was time to let people know I got off being shunned.
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I first came out in a secret cybershunasexual message board. When I struck up a conversation with fellow straphanger aboard a northbound F train the subject came up. We stopped and talked about things over a cup of java and that was when he / she / it gave me the secret password. He / she / it...shared a heartwarming story about how he / she / it used his / her / its love of some much-needed family shun time on her computer to realize she was cybershunasexual
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I met
Sparkles at the message board when he / she / it had opened up about being shunned for years in the work place and it was great. Often, people don’t go looking to educate themselves on different cybersexual orientations unless it directly affects them. Without that incentive, I’ve found many stick to what they know already. I didn’t learn about cybershunasexuality until two years ago, when I was 30. Up until that point, I’d struggled to be popular at all the message boards I went to; than I noticed how warm I felt inside when I was ignored by the
in-crowd.
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There were times that I too scoffed, chastising myself for being so uncertain of who I cyber was. It wasn’t that I couldn’t make my mind up, but rather it took my inside cyber identity to shift so far one time that I finally realized what I cyber was. That is...one day I felt like I was a carvel barker, yet for the next month I’d feel more aligned with being ignored. My cyber attention seeking posting became more cyber fluid and turned people off. It was like free porno !
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Of course, those of us who know the beauty and truth...learned a long time ago how great it can feel being shunned; if you are into it.