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Public Service Announcement/ What Happens When You Die Without a Will
Public Service Announcement/ What Happens When You Die Without a Will
By Fuelman
6 Dec 2023 2:32 pm in No Holds Barred Political Forum
The what ifs in life are numerous. Suppose you and your wife and kids were enjoying the day at the beach and on the way home your minivan gets broad sided by a commercial truck, no one survived.Skans » 07 Dec 2023, 8:24 am » wrote: ↑ Not a valid response. Support your claim that a life-long married couple with 2 kids needs a will.
Most of us want certain people to benefit from our life's work. The proper paperwork helps that happen. If you prefer the courts decide what goes where, I'm good with that.
Check in with the wife, she may think differently. A couple of grand to set up a family trust may be worth while.
If that happened, I wouldn't give a flying F- what happened to our stuff. Everyone I really care about would be dead, and I suppose whatever was there would be split between my wife's family and mine, which is fine by me. So, tell me, what's my having a will going to really matter?Fuelman » 07 Dec 2023, 8:54 am » wrote: ↑ The what ifs in life are numerous. Suppose you and your wife and kids were enjoying the day at the beach and on the way home your minivan gets broad sided by a commercial truck, no one survived.
Mother knew she was dying, so, she gave me power of attorney over her affairs about 3 months before her death, which ended, as you know, upon her death. In her will she made me executor. Which the ignorance of my sister and her greedy husband accused me of stealing everything. In the will was a clause that stated any of the heirs that contested her will and lost was automatically disinherited. They accused me of coercing my mother to leave everything as she did which, them not knowing her estate, made it appear as if I got the lion's share which I did not.Skans » 07 Dec 2023, 8:50 am » wrote: ↑ That's all good and well (bad and not well, actually), but tell me this one thing - how would a will have made any difference at all? Recall, the "theft" happened while your mom was alive, not after she was dead. @Buffalo - do you have any thoughts on this?
It all boils down to family dynamics.
This is a prime example, sorry you had to deal with that.Buffalo » 07 Dec 2023, 8:36 am » wrote: ↑ Not if they are dicks and think they deserve more. Our mother died in 2001. She made me executor of her small estate. My sister and her greedy **** husband accused me of stealing most of the money as she also handled her 94 year old mother's considerable amount of money. Going through my mothers bank statements I found copies of cashier's checks where she had given her younger sister and her husband ALL of their mother's money in an effort to take care of their mom to keep her out of a nursing home. After my mother died, they put her in a nursing home anyway and spent the money. When my grandmother died 6 months later my mother's oldest brother accused me of stealing all the money. To this day they all think I stole my mother's and grandmother's money. I have not spoken to my sister in over 20 years.
Yep, when it comes to a little money some people go **** nuts and do not deserve anything. THAT is why our father cut her out of his will.
Mom and I are the only survivors, there is always the possibility I go first, the proper paperwork makes sure she is taken care of.
Not my job to convince you to give a ****.Skans » 07 Dec 2023, 9:03 am » wrote: ↑ If that happened, I wouldn't give a flying F- what happened to our stuff. Everyone I really care about would be dead, and I suppose whatever was there would be split between my wife's family and mine, which is fine by me. So, tell me, what's my having a will going to really matter?
At least ask the question to your parents and inlaws, they may have some opinions you would listen to.
Luckily my 94 year old Father, who is now in a nursing home since June, took care of everything right after they unjustly took his wife from him in 2017 which he was never allowed to see her again. Again, he left me in charge of all his affairs as I have been doing that for years now anyway and divided his estate (which is mainly money and a house and 33 acres) evenly between my younger brother and I, which we are very close and get along great. He has, in essence, disowned my older sister and younger half-sister.Fuelman » 07 Dec 2023, 9:05 am » wrote: ↑ This is a prime example, sorry you had to deal with that.
Mom and I are the only survivors, there is always the possibility I go first, the proper paperwork makes sure she is taken care of.
Fair enough.Fuelman » 07 Dec 2023, 9:14 am » wrote: ↑ Not my job to convince you to give a ****.
At least ask the question to your parents and inlaws, they may have some opinions you would listen to.
And get the advice of an attorney!!!Fuelman » 07 Dec 2023, 9:14 am » wrote: ↑ Not my job to convince you to give a ****.
At least ask the question to your parents and inlaws, they may have some opinions you would listen to.
I do know this, too. When my father passes my sister and her husband will accuse me of coercing our father to leave her out and try to convince our brother that stole all his money. What she doesn't know is that my Father already put his money in mine and my brother's names. And I have power of attorney and a medical power of attorney on our Father. MY brother is a medical doctor and knows I will consult with him on all matters.Buffalo » 07 Dec 2023, 9:15 am » wrote: ↑ Luckily my 94 year old Father, who is now in a nursing home since June, took care of everything right after they unjustly took his wife from him in 2017 which he was never allowed to see her again. Again, he left me in charge of all his affairs as I have been doing that for years now anyway and divided his estate (which is mainly money and a house and 33 acres) evenly between my younger brother and I, which we are very close and get along great. He has, in essence, disowned my older sister and younger half-sister.
Seems like the more children someone has, the more likelihood there will be a rotten on in the bunch. But, a set of good parents will KNOW this, and if they are capable, will address this so that no child has an advantage over another.Buffalo » 07 Dec 2023, 9:22 am » wrote: ↑ I do know this, too. When my father passes my sister and her husband will accuse me of coercing our father to leave her out and try to convince our brother that stole all his money. What she doesn't know is that I put my brother's name everything of our father's, too as I have power of attorney and a medical power of attorney from our Father. MY brother is a medical doctor and knows I will consult with him on all matters.
Here's where I think things get F-ed up. Where a parent USES their wealth to control their children and/or even their grandchildren ("I'm going to cut you out of my will if you marry that guy..."), all bets are off. There is only one right path for parents to take, and it is to treat their children with equal love, affection and that means dividing up their "stuff" equally too. Surely, if you have 4 children, there may be one that you don't like as much as the others. That's the nature of people. But, if you are a good parent, that child should never know that.
My wife's parents just up and quit taking care of themselves when they turned 70. That was 15 years ago. We did the best we could to maintain their household but it finally broke us. All our free time and efforts went to dealing with their needs. Assisted living, long term memory care, Medicaid and the 5 year look back, it's been a journey. Dad passed last year, Mom is still hanging on.Buffalo » 07 Dec 2023, 9:15 am » wrote: ↑ Luckily my 94 year old Father, who is now in a nursing home since June, took care of everything right after they unjustly took his wife from him in 2017 which he was never allowed to see her again. Again, he left me in charge of all his affairs as I have been doing that for years now anyway and divided his estate (which is mainly money and a house and 33 acres) evenly between my younger brother and I, which we are very close and get along great. He has, in essence, disowned my older sister and younger half-sister.
DPOA is a must!
Thanks for being the responsible adult!
In my family's case my mother and father divorced in 1983. My father remarried a much younger woman he was having an affair with. My mother never remarried and was only 69 when she died from lung cancer. The reason my father has disowned my sister is because, for years, she and her husband tried to turn him against me by accusing me of stealing everything of mothers to him, even though they were divorced. For years she told him that mother had bought me a new (1995 then) pickup. He put up with her **** just to appease her. Right after mother dies and all the **** had hit the fan (now 2001} she again threw up in Dad's face about mother buying me that truck. He blew up and told her that he knew Betty (our mother) did NOT buy that pickup for me. He and I were in the used car business and he told her that he was with me when I bought that truck and saw me make payments on it every month and that he did not want to hear anymore of her **** lies. She ran out of the office crying. In a few minutes here came her husband and walked into our office, looked around, looked out on the car lot, and told my Father that he could buy and sell this pissant operation all day long. My Father jumped up (I thought he was going to knock the **** out of him) but he left. They have not spoken or seen each other since, that was in 2001.Skans » 07 Dec 2023, 9:28 am » wrote: ↑ Seems like the more children someone has, the more likelihood there will be a rotten on in the bunch. But, a set of good parents will KNOW this, and if they are capable, will address this so that no child has an advantage over another.
Here's where I think things get F-ed up. Where a parent USES their wealth to control their children and/or even their grandchildren ("I'm going to cut you out of my will if you marry that guy..."), all bets are off. There is only one right path for parents to take, and it is to treat their children with equal love, affection and that means dividing up their "stuff" equally too. Surely, if you have 4 children, there may be one that you don't like as much as the others. That's the nature of people. But, if you are a good parent, that child should never know that.
I need to leave some instructions somewhere that says this:Fuelman » 07 Dec 2023, 9:39 am » wrote: ↑ My wife's parents just up and quit taking care of themselves when they turned 70. That was 15 years ago. We did the best we could to maintain their household but it finally broke us. All our free time and efforts went to dealing with their needs. Assisted living, long term memory care, Medicaid and the 5 year look back, it's been a journey. Dad passed last year, Mom is still hanging on.
DPOA is a must!
Thanks for being the responsible adult!
1. Never ever put me in a nursing home or assisted living. If you waste my money or yours on this, you're an idiot who deserves to be penniless.
2. If I can't take care of myself, just let me die. If its too painful for you to watch me dying, then GO DO SOMETHING ELSE!
3. When I'm old as **** and my time is short, I may wonder off and get struck by a truck - that's my choice and not your responsibility. I may go on the hike of my life and end up dead in some thick mountain forest somewhere - I HAD FUN! I may wreck my motorcycle and end up a mangled mess (I'll try not to hurt others, though) - just know it was my own choosing.
4. If I don't want to eat, then I'm probably dying. Don't feel sorry for me, WE ALL DIE.
5. If I'm old as F- and dying, don't take me to the hospital. Hospitals never, ever cure old people.
6. If I'm in one of those wheel-around beds at home, just make sure I'm outside as I take my final breath, unless its snowing or raining and my family won't hang out outside with me - I mean, use your common sense on this!
Now, that's a good reason to have a will or trust I suppose. In your family, parents got divorced and one or both remarried. That's where things get all F-ed up.Buffalo » 07 Dec 2023, 9:49 am » wrote: ↑ In my family's case my mother and father divorced in 1983. My father remarried a much younger woman he was having an affair with. My mother never remarried and was only 69 when she died from lung cancer. The reason my father has disowned my sister is because, for years, she and her husband tried to turn him against me by accusing me of stealing everything of mothers to him, even though they were divorced. For years she told him that mother had bought me a new (1995 then) pickup. He put up with her **** just to appease her. Right after mother dies and all the **** had hit the fan (now 2001} she again threw up in Dad's face about mother buying me that truck. He blew up and told her that he knew Betty (our mother) did NOT buy that pickup for me. He and I were in the used car business and he told her that he was with me when I bought that truck and saw me make payments on it every month and that he did not want to hear anymore of her **** lies. She ran out of the office crying. In a few minutes here came her husband and walked into our office, looked around, looked out on the car lot, and told my Father that he could buy and sell this pissant operation all day long. My Father jumped up (I thought he was going to knock the **** out of him) but he left. They have not spoken or seen each other since, that was in 2001.
That was my Father's exact feelings. Problem is he became severely ill in June and wound up in the hospital. They though he was going to die and hospitals do not like customers (that's what they are called nowadays) dying and **** up their statistics so they kicked him out. We had no choice but to put him in a rehab facility, but at 93 (now 94) he has to have help doing everything. He can no longer walk or even get himself into a wheel chair.Skans » 07 Dec 2023, 9:51 am » wrote: ↑ I need to leave some instructions somewhere that says this:
1. Never ever put me in a nursing home or assisted living. If you waste my money or yours on this, you're an idiot who deserves to be penniless.
2. If I can't take care of myself, just let me die. If its too painful for you to watch me dying, then GO DO SOMETHING ELSE!
3. When I'm old as **** and my time is short, I may wonder off and get struck by a truck - that's my choice and not your responsibility. I may go on the hike of my life and end up dead in some thick mountain forest somewhere - I HAD FUN! I may wreck my motorcycle and end up a mangled mess (I'll try not to hurt others, though) - just know it was my own choosing.
4. If I don't want to eat, then I'm probably dying. Don't feel sorry for me, WE ALL DIE.
5. If I'm old as F- and dying, don't take me to the hospital. Hospitals never, ever cure old people.
6. If I'm in one of those wheel-around beds at home, just make sure I'm outside as I take my final breath, unless its snowing or raining and my family won't hang out outside with me - I mean, use your common sense on this!
You may say that is what you want but that may not be your choice. Yes, it is very hard to see my Father in the shape he is in and I know he would not hurt anymore if he died but that is up to him and damn he just stubbornly keeps hanging in there.
Strap me to my motorcycle and roll me down the hill. Weeeee, I won't tell anyone.Buffalo » 07 Dec 2023, 10:03 am » wrote: ↑ That was my Father's exact feelings. Problem is he became severely ill in June and wound up in the hospital. They though he was going to die and hospitals do not like customers (that's what they are called nowadays) dying and **** up their statistics so they kicked him out. We had no choice but to put him in a rehab facility, but at 93 (now 94) he has to have help doing everything. He can no longer walk or even get himself into a wheel chair.
You may say that is what you want but that may not be your choice. Yes, it is very hard to see my Father in the shape he is in and I know he would not hurt anymore if he died but that is up to him and damn he just stubbornly keeps hanging in there.
Skans » 07 Dec 2023, 9:51 am » wrote: ↑ I need to leave some instructions somewhere that says this:
1. Never ever put me in a nursing home or assisted living. If you waste my money or yours on this, you're an idiot who deserves to be penniless.
2. If I can't take care of myself, just let me die. If its too painful for you to watch me dying, then GO DO SOMETHING ELSE!
3. When I'm old as **** and my time is short, I may wonder off and get struck by a truck - that's my choice and not your responsibility. I may go on the hike of my life and end up dead in some thick mountain forest somewhere - I HAD FUN! I may wreck my motorcycle and end up a mangled mess (I'll try not to hurt others, though) - just know it was my own choosing.
4. If I don't want to eat, then I'm probably dying. Don't feel sorry for me, WE ALL DIE.
5. If I'm old as F- and dying, don't take me to the hospital. Hospitals never, ever cure old people.
6. If I'm in one of those wheel-around beds at home, just make sure I'm outside as I take my final breath, unless its snowing or raining and my family won't hang out outside with me - I mean, use your common sense on this!
Put that paperwork next to your will!.
Seriously, ask questions of your parents and siblings if your have any. It's not an easy discussion.
I come from one of those families that talking about money was taboo. Someday I'll make a post about coming home after 40 years and being bitch slapped by reality.
I find that when people don't want to talk about money with their kids, its because their kids don't have a clue about money. You can try and teach your kids about money, finance, etc., but sometimes it just takes them being a lot older to "get it".Fuelman » 07 Dec 2023, 10:11 am » wrote: ↑
Put that paperwork next to your will!.
Seriously, ask questions of your parents and siblings if your have any. It's not an easy discussion.
I come from one of those families that talking about money was taboo. Someday I'll make a post about coming home after 40 years and being bitch slapped by reality.
7 Dec 2023 12:02 pm
Sage adviceSkans » 07 Dec 2023, 9:51 am » wrote: ↑ I need to leave some instructions somewhere that says this:
1. Never ever put me in a nursing home or assisted living. If you waste my money or yours on this, you're an idiot who deserves to be penniless.
12 Dec 2023 3:35 pm
RedheadedStranger » 06 Dec 2023, 4:20 pm » wrote: ↑ Your profile says you are butt hurt and squawling.
What made your butt hurt so bad it made you squawl like that?
Don't know, but I'll take it as a bad of honour!
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