9 Jan 2024 8:18 am
It has now been revealed that Defense Secretary (or, as he says, "dat dere sec'tury uv dat dere DEEEfence) Lloyd Austin's "elective" procedure was lip reduction surgery. The operation lasted 17 hours and resulted in the removal of 5.7 lbs. of lip tissue, but still did not achieve the desired results. Recuperation was going well until Austin insisted on eating some chitlins that had not been properly slung, thus resulting in a serious bacterial infection.