Liberal Forum

No Holds Barred - ROFLMFAO
 

A woman on her deathbed asks her husband to give her one last wish. She says, "When I'm gone, I want you to marry Lisa." The husband says, "I thought you hated Lisa?" The wife says, "I do."

Why is punctuation important? It marks the difference between helping your Uncle Jack, off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
 

A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone, and as he listens to the call, he starts grinning from ear to ear. Then, when he disconnects, he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink. The barman starts serving the drinks, and the people start to crowd around, keen to know what they are celebrating.

  "Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland baby boy weighing 25 pounds".

  Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland. Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."

  Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "STREWTH" and "BLOODY HELL!" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.

  Two weeks later, the Queenslander returns to the same bar. The barman says, "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much does he weigh now?"

  The proud father answers: "17 pounds."

  The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

  The Queensland father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his XXXX Gold beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar, and proudly says, "We had him circumcised!"
 

A woman walks into a doctor's office complaining of acute angina. The doctor says, "Your tits aren't bad, either."

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating." The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!" The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.

OK, your turn...

Three black women are in an airport, discussing back and forth about their flight from Newark to London, and the difficulties therein. Finally, they come around to what happens if the plane crashes.

The first woman says "If we go down, I'ma make sure I'm wearing hot pink panties."

The other two blink and look at her. "Hot pink panties! Why you going to wear those?"

She says "Cause if that plane crashes, and I'm floating butt up in the ocean, they gonna find me first!"

The other two nod with the sage wisdom their friend just bestowed upon them. Then the second one chimes in.

"If we go down, I'ma make sure I'm wearing neon green panties."

The other two blink and look at her. "Neon green panties! Why you going to wear those?"

She says "Cause if that plane crashes, and I'm floating butt up in the ocean, they gonna find me first!"

The other two nod with the sage wisdom their friend just bestowed upon them. The last woman thinks long and hard, looking back and forth between her friends before announcing her choice of undergarment.

"If we go down, I'm not going to be wearing no panties!"

The two women look aghast at her. "No panties! Why would you do that?!"

She responds, "Cause if we crash and I'm floating butt up in the ocean, you know they looking for that black box first!"

You forgot, Thank you I'll be here all week and don't forget to tip your waitress.

Bob would go out every so often and leave his wife at home. He would always take a thousand dollars in cash.

So one time his wife tells him she's going out and needs 1000 dollars in cash.

Husband: Why do you need 1000 dollars?

Wife: every time you go out you take 1000 dollars!

Husband: Yeah, but you don't drink and you've got your own ******!

murdock » 26 Nov 2025, 5:22 pm » wrote: ↑

26 Nov 2025, 5:22 pm

No Holds Barred - ROFLMFAO

Cock puller must really be a hippocrap!

Poor little deranged leftist cock puller. Like deleting my posts matters to anyone but him in his deluded leftard fantasy he infests.

murdock » 06 Dec 2025, 5:51 pm » wrote: ↑

06 Dec 2025, 5:51 pm

Poor little deranged leftist cock puller. Like deleting my posts matters to anyone but him in his deluded leftard fantasy he infests.

Looks like I was wrong about this. The other mod is doing it. What a spineless bish.
 

murdock » 26 Nov 2025, 7:13 pm » wrote: ↑

26 Nov 2025, 7:13 pm

A woman walks into a doctor's office complaining of acute angina. The doctor says, "Your tits aren't bad, either."

   

surprised this isn't in Water Cooler forum yet. or originated in the dungeon.

*31stArrival » 11 Dec 2025, 4:42 pm » wrote: ↑

11 Dec 2025, 4:42 pm

surprised this isn't in Water Cooler forum yet. or originated in the dungeon.

I'm surprised someone hasn't taken exception to all the **** you spew and taken extreme measures with your sorry babbling worthless ***.

*31stArrival » 11 Dec 2025, 4:42 pm » wrote: ↑

11 Dec 2025, 4:42 pm

surprised this isn't in Water Cooler forum yet. or originated in the dungeon.

OMG! Your mother does the macarena.

murdock » 14 Dec 2025, 8:52 pm » wrote: ↑

14 Dec 2025, 8:52 pm

OMG! Your mother does the macarena.

You should be laughing since my thread was moved to water cooler after I made my post about yours getting put there. How humanity silences honesty 24/7.

*31stArrival » 15 Dec 2025, 7:14 am » wrote: ↑

15 Dec 2025, 7:14 am

You should be laughing since my thread was moved to water cooler after I made my post about yours getting put there. How humanity silences honesty 24/7.

1. Pull horse dick out of your mothers ***. 
2. Shove it up yours.
3. Blather, rinse, repeat.